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sashayed: Mr. H S_, or, The Rake’s Portrait THESE ARE...

Sat, 11 May 2013 01:25:01 -0400

Mr. H____ S_____, or, The Rake’s Portrait

THESE ARE MY FUCKING FAVORITE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NEVER STOP MAKING THEM

1dmarchmadness: Sorry teenz, lately we’ve been busy living our...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:43:24 -0400

Sorry teenz, lately we’ve been busy living our lives off the internet… whaaaaaaat?! Here is our obviously highly anticipated next round of lyrical judgement for round 2 of the SAY WHAT division:

1. R-O-C-K me again

B - spelled out lyrics will always have a special place in my heart. this one is extra funny because it is trying to be sexy and serious but it is missing the mark. like I said before… if you’re gonna pick a 4 letter word that means “edgy sexin’” it better be an effective one.

C - P-A-P-E-R me again, S-C-I-S-S-O-R me again, oooh i like the last one.

6. Yeah yeah, that’s what crazy is

B - wtf are you talking about zayn? no wonder we’re talking in circles, you just gave up in the middle of this discussion. whatever, I’m over it too. Next.

C - Crazy is whoever thought this would be a hit lyric. Or maybe crazy is us because millions of teen girls apparently love this shit. NEXT!

WINNER: Provocative spelling beats incoherent blathering! ”R-O-C-K me again” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1d lyric of them all! Keep checking back for more matchups. There might even be another one coming up right now…

(Click here for full bracket)

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Mon, 08 Apr 2013 22:46:17 -0400

1dmarchmadness: What exactly rhymes with ‘anointed’, and who...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 02:22:00 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

What exactly rhymes with ‘anointed’, and who moves on in our TRYHARD division? Here’s what our Shakespearean lyric analysts have to say:

3. I’m the foolish one that you anointed / With your heart

C - Promise me something boys - the next time before you get biblical with someone, you’ll actually pick up a holy book and read some verses on what ‘anointed’ actually means.

B- 15 YEAR OLD LIAM AND HIS SWOOPY HAIR HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S SINGING. unless “heart” is code for a sexier organ, use of this word makes zero sense here. Aaannnnd this is followed by the messy innocence line, which only enhances the wtfery. this word has no place in a preteen popsong.

6. To him you are just another doll

C - I know technically it’s the other guy who’s objectifying the girl, but trust me, it’s not sexy to females when you point out our own objectification to us. We got this, G.

B- are we talking blowup doll or Bratz doll? bad news either way.

WINNER: double-jointed, pointed, “I’m the one that you anointed / with your heart” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

LIAM INVESTIGATIONS!!

1dmarchmadness: Oh head, don’t you fail me now. We’re down to...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:01:24 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

Oh head, don’t you fail me now. We’re down to the last two matchups in the MELODRAMATIC bracket! Here’s what our tireless lyric analysts have to say:

3. The way that you flip your hair / Gets me overwhelmed

C - I’ve been flipping my hair all day and none of you guys have responded on twitter with feelings of overwhelm :\
B - Afros are hard to flip. but I DO get overwhelmed when Harry flips HIS hair. Harry are you projecting?? everyone knows you love to get in a good hair flip. or five. we saw you on that beach, Harry. do you mean you nervously flip Your hair when I’m around because you’re so full of emotion? [sexual comments redacted]

5. He drives to school every morning / While I walk alone in the rain

C - This lyric is just hilarious to me because I remember the days when driving to school was considered a badge of cool. At my old age, everyone can drive. The real barometer of coolness is whether or not you’re old enough to rent a car.

B - I HATED walking from school seeing cool kids drive by. this opens wounds that still feel fresh. but honestly Harry (seriously does Harry sing all of these lines??), I think you need to focus on the cool girl you see around who ALSO has to walk in the rain. buddy up. share an umbrella. she doesn’t have an umbrella OR a boyfriend that might beat you up.

WINNER: B solved Harry’s walking in the rain girl trouble, so “The way that you flip your hair / Gets me overwhelmed” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

1dmarchmadness: A new day, a new bracket. Here are the SAY...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:01:04 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

A new day, a new bracket. Here are the SAY WHAT?! matchups! Here’s what our perplexed lyric analysts have to say:

1. R-O-C-K me again

B - ugh this matchup is so hard. R-O-C-K me is one of those classic lyrics that is so much fun to yell out and sing that it takes someone else to tell you how stupid it sounds. bc why are we speaking in code again? is it because you’re too shy to admit what you want aloud? I guess it’s less work than spelling out H-A-V-E-S-E-X-W-I-T-H, even though a shorter, more profane version of this lyric is also quite easy to sing.

C - what’s weird about this line is that rocks and rocking are usually associated with male sexual energy i.e. hard as a rock and queen’s we will rock you. forgive me for policing gender roles, but I don’t quite get how a girl is supposed to rock the members of one d? maybe this is a shout out to their gay fan base?

8. My worlds fall, and they hit the ground.

B - Liam, it’s not really cool to bring alphabet blocks to the club in order to pick up girls. if you’re truly speechless, a solid eyefuck would be an acceptable way to get your point across.

C - I think the line is actually ‘my worlds fall’ but point taken, it’s not cool to bring globes to the club to pick up girls either.

WINNER: The judges are intrigued by how they can R-O-C-K 1D in a womanly fashion, so “R-O-C-K me again” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

1dmarchmadness: The SAY WHAT?! matchups continue as the boys...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:00:58 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

The SAY WHAT?! matchups continue as the boys prove they really do SAY ANYTHING. Here’s what our trenchant lyric analysts have to say:

3. Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?

B - I am in L-O-V-E with this song, and i think this is my favorite singalong lyric on the whole album. how can you resist the carefree fun of this line? how can you resist zayn’s pleading tone??

C - I’m neutral on this one, though I think throwing the ASL signs for L-O-V-E would make for a pretty good 1d gang sign.

6. Yeah yeah, that’s what crazy is.

B - misheard this lyric for so long as “praise the years” that i’m not sure what to feel now that I know what is actually being said.

C - what now yeah cool - hey look guys, I just wrote a 1d lyric!

WINNER: Despite our L-O-V-E of Zayn, we’re contractually obligated to choose the lyric that doesn’t make sense. Upset winner “Yeah yeah, that’s what crazy is” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

1dmarchmadness: It’s getting hot in here at the SAY WHAT?!...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:00:49 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

It’s getting hot in here at the SAY WHAT?! matchups! Here’s what our daring lyric analysts have to say:

4. So girl come on, you got it wrong / To prove I’m right I put it in a song

B - THIS IS THE GRANDADDY OF ALL RIDIC 1D LYRICS. CLASSIC AND SEMINAL. remember when you first heard ‘what makes you beautiful’ and couldn’t believe that this line was happening? and then the second time you heard it, you knew it was coming but totally enjoyed the craziness anyway?? and now that you sing this song all the time, you think this line is a weird, funny, lyrical treat??? no???? then get out.

C - Zayn, I see you got your nerdy glasses on so Imma give you some essay-writing advice. Singing a song is not how you prove something. You need syllogisms and reputable sources to make a coherent argument. All singing a song proves is that your voice be sweet like sugahhhhh.

5. Light shines, it’s getting hot on my shoulders.

B - I love the simplicity here. such elegant stupidity. one of my favorites in the whole bracket.

C - EVERYONE’S SWEATIN’ IN A NIGHT CLUB WHY YOU THINK YOU SO SPECIAL.

WINNER: We don’t have to prove anything — “So girl come on, you got it wrong / To prove I’m right I put it in a song” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

1dmarchmadness: Niall goes head to head with himself in our...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:00:15 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

Niall goes head to head with himself in our third SILLY division matchup. Here’s what our pneumatic lyric analysts have to say:

4. There’s nothing funny, so we laugh at nothing

C - I’m kinda giggling at this lyric, but I guess I’m laughing at nothing.

B - this line is actually sweet and precious bc we can all identify. it makes me giggle when i hear it too. oh, Niall. you make me blush.

5. With a sign on my back that says ‘Kick Me’ / Reality ruined my life

C - Guys, you’re multimillionaire rock stars who have teen girls throwing their virginities at you on a daily basis. I think reality is pretty awesome for you. Also, aren’t ‘Kick me’ signs so John Hughes 1980s? Aren’t you kids into like, sexting nowadays??

B - i think this lyric is particularly ridiculous because does ANYBODY even make ‘kick me’ signs anymore besides in the movies?! i agree with C, it’s almost quaint. unfortunately today people just do all of their humiliation on the internet.

WINNER: Hope this doesn’t ruin Niall’s life… “With a sign saying kick me / Reality ruined my life” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

1dmarchmadness: Which, oh which 1D lyric from our SILLY matchup...

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 23:52:33 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

Which, oh which 1D lyric from our SILLY matchup should we tattoo on ourselves? Here’s what our punk rock lyric analysts have to say:

2. I can’t compete with your boyfriend / He’s got 27 tattoos!

C - THIS IS MY FAVORITE!!!!!!! I love it when pop culture gets meta! This is a clear reference to the lads’ growing assortment of arm doodles, er, I mean tattoos. But how do you know that this dude has 27 tattoos, Louis? Have you SEEN all of them and spent time COUNTING?! Bow chicka wow wow.

B- even funnier now because HARRY HAS MORE THAN 27 TATTOOS. which just goes to prove that having multiple tattoos doesn’t necessarily have to evoke meaty biker types. maybe he’s in an indie band and has a fixie bike and sleeve tattoos of birds and chaucer quotes or something. or maybe he’s in a boyband and is obsessed with permanently affixing doodles to his armpits.

7. Give you this, give you that / Blow a kiss, take it back

C - Given that this song is a critique of female consumerism, I thought the boys would be happy that I’m taking my kiss back. I mean, I did it within thirty days with a receipt so I got all my money back. But my love? THAT’S on final sale.

B- this is so broadway. can’t you see this song as a theatrical number? sort of like a reverse ‘take back your mink’?? and all the boys are thrashing around a dressing room in unison, doing box steps around costume trunks, clutching photos of their beloveds? campyyyyy, love ittttttt

WINNER: How can you compete with tattoos? “I can’t compete with your boyfriend / He’s got 27 tattoos!” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

1dmarchmadness: Let the SILLY matchups begin! Here’s what our...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 20:54:00 -0400

1dmarchmadness:

Let the SILLY matchups begin! Here’s what our exuberant lyric analysts have to say:

1. I just wanna show you off to all of my friends / Makin’ them drool down their chinny chin chins

C - Chinny chin chins???? What is this, a warped retelling of the three little pigs???

B - I think i might hate this line if Niall didn’t sing it. there’s weird possessiveness and all this gross saliva imagery but he’s so darn excited to sing the line I have to just surrender to the silly side of it. also, i love that there are tumblr circles dedicated to this lyric.

8. I can‘t be no superman / But for you I’ll be superhuman

C - I actually love how dorky this lyric is. But don’t worry Harry - you can totally channel your inner Clark Kent. Just get into a phone booth (there are plenty in the UK, right?) and put on Zayn’s nerdy glasses. Now take them off. Now rip open your shirt.

B - explain how this is feasible. are you saying you aren’t anything more than an average man… but are willing to strive to be better than average? like jim halpert?? because this can also give off ‘dark misunderstood mystical antihero’ energy if you let it. or maybe i just watch too much HBO.

WINNER: Is it even a contest? “I just wanna show you off to all of my friends / Makin’ them drool down their chinny chin chins” advances to the next round in the quest to crown the most ridiculous 1D lyric of them all! Check back for updates on the other matchups.

(Click here for full bracket)

One Direction March Madness: One Direction March Madness - Let the games begin!

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 19:41:12 -0400

One Direction March Madness: One Direction March Madness - Let the games begin!:

1dmarchmadness:

(click here for full size bracket image)

Here’s the deal. We love One Direction as much as any 25-year-old can. But what is the deal with some of their lyrics? Boys, stop letting Ed Sheeran run your life and write some of your songs yourself. With that in mind, we are setting off on a…

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Sun, 17 Mar 2013 02:36:35 -0400

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Sun, 17 Mar 2013 02:36:25 -0400

heykhaleesi: RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WILL MISS THE HOTTNESS THAT...

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 02:35:51 -0400

heykhaleesi:

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WILL MISS THE HOTTNESS THAT WAS JAQEN H’GHAR

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Thu, 06 Dec 2012 12:22:26 -0500

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Thu, 06 Dec 2012 12:22:13 -0500

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Fri, 07 Sep 2012 22:40:56 -0400

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Sun, 24 Jun 2012 19:53:30 -0400

Untitled

sashayed: Mr. H____ S_____, or, The Rake’s Portrait THESE ARE...

1dmarchmadness: Sorry teenz, lately we’ve been busy living our...

Photo

1dmarchmadness: What exactly rhymes with ‘anointed’, and who...

1dmarchmadness: Oh head, don’t you fail me now. We’re down to...

1dmarchmadness: A new day, a new bracket. Here are the SAY...

1dmarchmadness: The SAY WHAT?! matchups continue as the boys...

1dmarchmadness: It’s getting hot in here at the SAY WHAT?!...

1dmarchmadness: Niall goes head to head with himself in our...

1dmarchmadness: Which, oh which 1D lyric from our SILLY matchup...

1dmarchmadness: Let the SILLY matchups begin! Here’s what our...

One Direction March Madness: One Direction March Madness - Let the games begin!

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heykhaleesi: RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WILL MISS THE HOTTNESS THAT...

Photo

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sashayed: Mr. H S_, or, The Rake’s Portrait THESE ARE...